A scientist cleans out an autoclave system, all the while hoping an alien fungus will be let loose and he, and only he, will be able to stop it!

Movie Science Replaces Real Science
by Patrick Kirk Gillock

Chesterville , WA - In another attack on Hollywood, dozens of scientists gathered on Thursday to protest the cinema industry's portrayal of the scientific community. "We are not as interesting as they make us out to be!" said Dr. Carl Perkins of Scientists for Equal Representation on the Big Screen. "Our labs are NOT dimly lit rooms with blacklights, lasers, and lots of chrome. They're boring, sterile rooms with flourescent lighting. Get it right Hollywood!"

Pointing out such misleading films as Outbreak, Mission Impossible 2, and TV shows like The X-Files and numerous animated shows on the Cartoon Network. "Women, minorities, and homosexuals have spoken out for years against their on-screen personas... Well now it's our turn!" Dr. Perkins said to the relatively mild mannered crowd outside the Chesterville Health and Science Center. "The last time I checked, Scully wasn't working late in my lab! (applause) With most of the lights out! (applause) Get it right Hollywood!!!"

When asked about the effect Hollywood has had on the Scientific community Mr. Perkins replied, "I believe I speak for all scientists when I say Hollywood simply reminds us how boring 99% of our work really is. The average audience member is looking up at the screen and seeing science as exciting and maybe even sexy. While we scientists sit there and know that on Monday morning we have to go and face the cold, smelly, brightly lit rooms of reality." Dr. Perkins finished by saying, "Our jobs are nothing like those scientists in the movies. We spend most of our time making mistakes and cleaning up after them. And when we do make a discovery there's not a lot of special effects, smoke, or cheers from fellow co-workers. There's just lots of paper work!"

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