NRA member John Lindsey adjusts his scope on a neighbors mailbox.

NRA Attempts To Remove "Firearms" From ATF Acronym
by Patrick Kirk Gillock

Chesterville, WA - NRA President Charleston Heston announced today that his organization has filed a lawsuit to remove the word "Firearms" from the government agency ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms). The NRA claims "Firearms should not be in any way associated with the extremely dangerous and addictive substances of alcohol and tobacco… Each year these products kill 100 times more people than guns."

The NRA provided a list of alternatives for the ATF to consider. Including; ATC (Alcohol, Tobacco, and Cholesterol) and ATO (Alcohol, Tobacco, and Olestra).

An ATF spokesperson was quoted saying, "We have no intention of changing our name… and we'd like to see you make us!" The NRA responded by slowly pulling back it's sports blazer to reveal the grip of a silver-plated handgun. Moments later incendiary devices were released and the ATF took control of the situation with only a few casualties on both sides.

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