Sean Johnston tries to calculate the number of polygons it would take to replicate a rollercoaster in a 3D world.

Amusement Park Fails to Amuse
by Patrick Kirk Gillock

Chesterville, WA - On Saturday a father-son outing to a local amusement park turned out to be a very big disappointment for one 12 year old Sean Johnston. "It was sooooo boring. I only went because Dad said he would buy me the new Quake III Arena game."

When asked about the Frightner Rollercoaster, the worlds fastest and most terrfiying ride at Chesterville's Family Funland, Sean replied "Ahhh... That was nothing! In the video game G Force Pilot you're doing about five times the speed of sound and with true 128 bit graphics. Yea, it has the most polygon count of any other game and man does it show. You're like vrrrrrrooooooommmm and baaammm!!! It's so real."

Mr. Johnston, the father and instigator of the family roadtrip, only had this to say, "I don't understand that kid at all. What does it take to entertain him? The circus? Nope! Fireworks? He thought they looked fake. When I was his age these rides would have made me throw-up, but he just sits there with a blank stare on his face. I tell ya, it's either drugs or those damn computer games. Either way he's grounded."

When asked about the wonderful food and cotton candy at Family Funland, Sean had this to say, "Yea, it's alright. Hey, in RoboZombie 3050 you're a 100 foot robot zombie which destroys an entire city. Yea, you like have a flame-thrower in one hand and grenades in the other. It's sooooo cool."

After lunch the father made one last effort to amuse his son. "The Texas Whirlwind will spin some sense into that boy." Three minutes later the two emerged from the thrill ride. The Texas Whirlwind failed to get the response Mr. Johnston was hoping for. Without a word said between the two, the father drove his son to a stripclub to see if there was "still any hope left."

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