The latest driving range contest, "Hit Peter and Win a FREE Bucket of Balls" is gaining in popularity with everyone. Everyone but Peter.

Golf Driving Range Attendent Still Considered "Moving Target"
by Patrick Kirk Gillock

Chesterville, WA - After six months of being battered by golf balls in his protected steel cage, Peter Bucksley is pleading with golfers around the world to stop the senseless attacks on him and fellow driving range attendents. "I don't understand why we haven't evolved to a level of existence in which we no longer want to cause pain to another person, purely for sport. That, or at least gotten bored with it."

Constantly feeling like a target, Peter has asked that his medical insurance not only cover his severe migraines but also weekly therapy sessions for his extremely low self-esteem. "Every ball that hits my cart is a slap in the face. It literally rattles my emotional cage. I'm just a target for humiliation. Nobody can possibly understand what I'm going through out there. Well, except maybe Richard Simmons."

Peter, an English History Major, is frustrated with not only his salary, dimwitted co-workers and customers, but also the vicious irony of his job. "Need I remind my attackers, without me they wouldn't have golf balls to hit at me."

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