Eight year old Thomas tries to hotwire a car in an attempt to catch up to the ice cream man.

Eight Year Old Boy "Acts His Age"
by Terry Y. Loh

Chesterville, WA - After being told to 'act his age' by his parents, young Thomas Wilmore immediately went outside and started to fling wads of mud at the side of the family home, and to call passers-by names that incorporated the word 'butt.'

"Well, that didn't work out the way we thought it would," commented John Wilmore, the child's father, when asked about the boy's reaction. "Yeah. Our hands are tied, after all, he is acting his age. We probably should have told him to act our age. Too late for that, now."

Later that day, Thomas Wilmore proceeded to track dirt all over the kitchen floor, leave his toys out, and forget his mittens at school.

"We really don't know what to do!" said a distraught Angie Wilmore as she sat sewing a new set of mittens to her child's coat sleeves. "My husband and I are at our wit's end! We could wait until he gets older, and then tell him to act his new age, but goodness knows what kind of trouble he'll get into then!"

"Isn't this some kind of condition or something?" asked John Wilmore, "We were considering Lithium, or Ritalin or something. There must be a pharmaceutical answer."

Currently, medical science has no cure for the common eight-year-old, but research continues. When asked for a comment, Dean Jaegger, the head of Johns Hopkin's Center for Health and Aging said, "Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"

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