Hundreds of onlookers find inner peace and spiritual enlightenment as they watch Saturday's aromatherapy warehouse fire. Although not claiming responsibility, Windham Hill Music said it would co-sponsor the event.

Aromatherapy Warehouse Burns, Town's Stress-level Dangerously Low
by Patrick Kirk Gillock

Chesterville, WA - On Saturday a three alarm fire swept through a candle warehouse owned by Light My Wick Aromatherapy. It's uncertain at this time, but estimates report the financial loss to be in the millions, ...but the spiritual gains to be immeasurable!

Officials immediately noticed the effects of the aromatherapy candles when 16 out of the 20 firefighters refused to fight the fire. Instead, they just laid down, with heads resting on their helmets, and watched. "Some even started massaging each other." said Fireman Todd Almonte. "But that stuff didn't get to me. Ask my wife, candles and Enya don't do crap for me!"

Soon after the warehouse fire began, a dark plume of healing was observed heading westward towards populated areas. Mayor Jenkins immediately initiated the Emergency Response System and demanded all citizens "stay indoors, open all windows, ...and gently lay down the one you love. Then begin applying a full body massage with oils. ...Might I suggest clary sage. It has a sweet pervasive fragrance and is deeply relaxing."

Some believe the city should continue to let the warehouse fire burn. Stating, "Since Saturday's incident, crime has been non-existent and my wife and I haven't argued once!" While others say, "The floral odors irritate my sinuses and I'm getting a little tired of Yanni playing over the tsunami alarm system downtown."

Saturday's event reminded many Chesterville citizens of the Essential Oils Refinery fire of 1987. "Now THAT was a fire!!!" said 72 year old Ben Mercer.

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