Donny Wilson of Clarksville, PA (seen here behind the blue dot) is one of billions who suffers from a horrifying disease. He is expected to die sometime within his lifetime.

Public Service Announcement: STD's
by Patrick Kirk Gillock

A few years ago I experienced a life-changing event. I'm going to share it with you so that maybe my mistakes can somehow save others.

It all started while I was away at school, outside, and on a break. I guess that's when she first came into my life. She was beautiful. All my friends said, "Stay away from her. Don't let her close to you. She's trouble." I wish I had heeded their warning, but it was too late.... I had fallen for her. And I could tell by the look in her eye, she wanted me bad. So I admit it, we gave into temptation.

I guess it was a couple of months later that I'd realized the repercussions of that day. I received horrible news. I thought "How could my friends and family ever look at me the same? Should I even tell them?" Well I knew I couldn't keep this a secret for long so I decided to tell my friends. So while at lunch one day I said "Hey guys! You know that girl I played around with a few months ago? Well she gave me something. Something REAL bad." They said "No way! You don't mean…." I said "Yea, I got the results back yesterday." I was really embarrassed, but my friends were supportive. They said "Don't worry about it. You'll be fine! You still got the rest of your life ahead of you." I said "NO! That's where you're wrong!!! I don't have the rest of my life ahead of me…. I may only be seven years old…. But I've got Cooties!!!! And nothing, NOTHING can change that!" One of my friends quickly said "No man. What are you talkin' about? They have a cure for Cooties." I couldn't believe it. Was what he was telling me the truth? Right then he rolled up my sleeve, took his finger to my arm, and went "Circle. Circle. Dot. Dot. Now you have your Cootie Shot." That's it??? I couldn't believe it. I was worried for nothing. I said "Thanks man. You saved my life. Here…. have my pudding pop." He said "Don't worry about. Just be more careful who you play with."

Wait. That's not where the story ends. It was probably 15 years later, after I realized I wasn't feeling any better, that I decided to do some research. What I discovered was horrifying. Cooties has NO CURE!!! That's right! "Circle. Circle. Dot. Dot." is just a placebo. It's just something to keep our hopes up until our untimely deaths. I was devastated.

We need to find a cure for this Schoolyard Transmitted Disease (STD). We can't keep giving our kids false hopes! Statistics say that everyone who is infected with Cooties will eventually die. That's right. Most horrifying is the fact that by the year 2010, 3 out of every 4 boys will get Cooties. That's right 3 out of 4. As for the girls…. Well, as always, all girls will have Cooties.

So from this point on let's say "No More!" We have the technology and we have the need. Write your Congress person and lets find a cure.

You know, I sometimes wonder what she's doing. I wonder whom she's with or if she's thinking about me? Heck! Who am I kidding? She's not thinking about me. Oh no! I was just another guy she played tag with!

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